My Other Father

On July 22, 2019 at approximately 4:30 pm, I said good-bye to my other father for the last time. He had suffered with lung cancer for several years before choosing medical assisted death at Valley Regional Hospital in Kentville, NS. He was surrounded and comforted by family, and passed peacefully into a better place on his terms. No more pain or suffering.

He loved life. He loved his family, socializing with friends, meaningful conversation, and the written word. He was a philosopher, a thinker. A free spirit. In his earlier years he rode a motorcycle. He loved the outdoors and adventure. He was a great guy and I loved him. My favourite saying of his was, “You gotta make your own road”. This was an enlightening saying for me as I had been brought up by parents who preferred to always tell me which road to take at every turn; but I was loved and cared for very well.

To all of you who wondered, speculated or assumed who my biological father was, and there are many of you, his name was Roy Thomas Kerr. My mother never told me his name. She didn’t tell me much, really. She said that “he” had children so I knew I had siblings, but that was it. I wish with all my heart that she had told me her story, and that is an unfortunate mystery. It was Dad who told me his name. Someone had said something about who they thought my father was, and I was quite sure, knowing my mother, that they were wrong. So I simply asked Dad. It was a year after Mom had passed away. Dad told me his name and then said, “Why don’t you look for him.” So I did.

Roy and I met for the first time in the summer of 2001. It was wonderful and I loved him from the start. Just looking at him answered a lot of questions. I see my mother in the mirror, but it is Roy who I resemble more. My mother comes out of my mouth…a lot, which makes me chuckle. I have her hands (which warms my heart), her legs, and, unfortunately, her kidney disease. I know she had her reasons for not talking, but still wish she had. It may have quieted other tongues.

During Roy’s last earthly hour,  I told him that I loved him. But more than that, I wanted to tell him “thank you”. Thank you for that first initial phone conversation. Thank you for accepting me into his life and making me feel part of the family. I have 3 sisters, a brother and a brood of nieces, nephews and more. I am blessed in many ways.

Roy Thomas Kerr
October 26, 1933 – July 22, 2019

Roy passed away peacefully July 22, 2019 at the Valley Regional Hospital in Kentville at the age of 85.  He was grateful for the assisted dying option after living with lung cancer for a time. Born in Manitowaning, Ontario, he was the youngest son of Elizabeth (Collins) and Thomas Kerr. Roy served in the RCN for five years on the HMCS Magnificent.   His marriage to our beloved mother, the late Agnes (Hirtle) in 1953 lasted 62 years.  From this union he had four children;  Jody Kerr (Gina), Espanola, ON;  Gail Crofton (late Barry Crofton), Halifax; Julie Kerr van Roestel (Dan McNally). and Karen Kerr (Colby Daniels) Coldbrook.   Roy also was the father of Lisa Buchanan (Chett), Shelburne.   Dad and Mom retired to Centreville where they greatly enjoyed the fellowship of Centreville Baptist Church.   Dad, an avid reader and debater, was appreciated for stirring conversation in his church study group.   He was the best Grandpa and was often seen in the stands or on the sidelines at his grandkids games.  His well-loved grandchildren are Ben King; Tashina, Jordan and Tiffany Laurin; Aaron, Talia and Lee van Roestel and Alex Buchanan. Former son-in-laws, Jack van Roestel and Richard Laurin, were still considered part of the family by Dad.  He was extremely proud of his family.    In the last year and a half he found new love, and great companionship. in his sweetheart, Sylvia Myles.   His lively spirit, inquiring mind and irreverent humour will be greatly missed.  We love you Dad/ Grandpa!  No funeral service requested.    Online condolences can be posted at www.tjtracey.com.

On Sunday, August 4th, I along with my sisters and their families will gather to remember and celebrate Roy.

Love and miss you always, Roy.
In reference to the musical “Stop the World: I Want to Get Off”, a saying you quoted often, your world has stopped and you are finally free.